Die Alone: the best Christmas movie that never happened

It’s 2020, Kevin McCallister is all grown up. He, being the tech savvy kid he was, ended up in IT. He is working for a subset of the government creating AI software for the military.

It’s Christmas Eve. While everyone is partying it up in the office Kevin has to work because his asshole of a boss is demanding some last minute changes and tests of a system Kevin isn’t even working on. Kevin is a back end developer but nobody seems to care what he does. His colleagues take credit for his work, and his boss favours a douche-bro called Brett. Brett often likes to put Kevin down for his physique and sabotages Kevin’s projects. Kevin has an adorable flirtation with hardware and weapons engineer Allie from one floor down but his boss keeps placing him in shifts that make it impossible to do anything to make a relationship work.

John McClane is at a Christmas party (in the same building as Kevin), planning to fly home to see his kids and to propose to his girlfriend. After his wife died in a car accident, his hardships with alcohol re-emerged but once he got sober, he found love and support in a retired nurse (Elinore). He is now retired and looking forward to a calm life with Elinore. She is already on her way to his kids while he is at a Christmas party, who also happens to be a retirement party for one of his old and beloved friends who left the police force to work for the military. John has had his life saved more than once by his soon to be retired friend and felt he wanted to calibrate their years together.

Unfortunately, Brett is not only a douche, he is a criminal too. He plans to steal important hardware blueprints and software code in order to sell them to terrorists. Since he knows he can’t just smuggle them out, he plans to set terrorists loose in the building. Creating a hostile situation where hostages are held, that way he can get hold of the things he needs while the building is in chaos. This way he can blame the terrorist organisation when cameras are shut down and things go missing. The head of the terrorist organisation is a cult leader called Zjavo. Played by Marilyn Manson. Zjavo wants to overthrow governments with AI in order to create a totalitarian society where humans are slaves to cyborgs. Zjavos whole body is half flesh half implants.

Kevin figures out Bretts plan and realises that he needs to stop him. But Brett has locked him out of all systems and he needs to get to the top floor to bypass the system.

The terrorists hold people at the party hostage. Allie and John escape. John isn’t much for tech Mumbo jumbo, he doesn’t even have a smartphone. He asks Allie to give him the best guns they have. She shows him a bunch of futuristic weaponry and he chooses a good old fashioned shot gun and a handgun.

Telling her she can keep the toys.

He meets up Kevin and they realise they need to be smart, so they start planning an elaborate plan using humanoid robots, voice assistants and automated weaponry to set elaborate traps.

When any of them don’t work, John just shoots the bad guys and the problem gets solved.

John’s go to phrase is “look kid, I’ve done this shit before. Shut up and listen.

Kevin’s go to phrase is “Ok BOOMER”.

Kevin forces a smart watch on John, which ends up saving his life in a final confrontation with Zjavo.

John opens up to Kevin, and Kevin starts to realise that he needs to be braver and stand up to people.

They beat the terrorists. Brett gets caught and sent to prison. Zjavo dies. Kevin gives Allie a passionate kiss and they leave the building together.

John goes back home to his kids, but in the chaos of it all and trying to make it to Christmas Day he doesn’t pick up his proposal ring.

His smart watch from the night before pings and a message appears “go outside”.

A drone descends with the ring. Kevin flew his ring out. John proposes.

The end :).

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